In 1979, Lenore Walker interviewed over 1,500 women and found many women described the same kind of cycle in her relationship. She identified this cycle of violence. Historically, the identification of this cycle was very important to help understand violence in relationships. However, Tubman Family Alliance uses a more current methodology that better explains how violence exists in a given relationship. Read more about the Cycle of Relationships and the Dynamics of Family Violence.



Phase 1: Tension building
The cycle begins when the relationship is in an “okay” stage, with the couple's interactions positive and close. Then, as “real life” sets in, tensions begin to build. These tensions may be anything from a bad day to major life changes like a pregnancy or job loss. All relationships have periods of tension and in healthy relationships the couple may disagree or argue, but both have power in the relationship. In battering relationships, the abusers need for power and control underlie the anger and blaming. The tension continues to escalate. Batterers in this phase might pick fights, act jealous and possessive, criticize or threaten, drink or use drugs or act moody and unpredictable. Partners in this stage may feel like they're “walking on eggshells” and try to reason, calm or appease the batterer. Feelings of fear and anxiety are also common in this stage.

Phase 2: Explosion
When the tension escalates to a point, there is an explosion or battering incident. Abusers may hit, attack, verbally or sexually assault, threaten or scream at their partners. Increased control over money or the destruction of the partner's property may also occur in this phase. Many people feel that these explosive battering incidents occur because someone is so angry or so drunk they lose control of themselves. Comments from batterers in this stage may include, “if she hadn't kept nagging me I wouldn't have lost my temper” or “I was so out of it, I didn't know what I was doing.” Actually, abusers take control when they batter by taking control of the immediate situation, their partner and their physical space as well as the outcome of the situation. Batterers learn that this type of action helps to “relieve stress” and “change behavior.” Domestic violence can be seen as a crime of power and control, not passion out of control. Partners in this phase will protect themselves and their children by any means necessary. They may try to flee or leave, call for help or pray for the abuse to stop. Feelings of fear and shock are also common.

Phase 3: Honeymoon
After the explosions comes the honeymoon or loving and contrite phase. The batterer is likely to have actually experienced a physiological release of tension, but now feels guilty or sorry and tries to make up for the explosive behavior. There may be flowers or gifts, dates, romance or lovemaking in an attempt to reestablish intimacy and security. The batterer may also try to minimize or deny the abuse, blaming his partner for “making” him or her act abusively. The batterer may also stop drinking or using drugs and may go to counseling. Both partners deny how bad the abuse was and that it could happen again. The battered partner in this phase may be in shock, hurt or angry, but also hopeful and forgiving, optimistic that the abuser's promises will be kept this time. In this loving and contrite stage, the increased intimacy and promises to get help or never do it again give hope that things might indeed change.

Source: Phase names are specific to Lenore Walker's Cycle of Violence.