What to do if someone comes to you for help

You may know someone who is a victim of domestic violence. They may be looking for someone to talk to and may have chosen you. The following list of “do's” and “don'ts” may be helpful.

Do:

• Believe them.
• Encourage, but don't pressure them to talk about the abuse.
• Respect any need for confidentiality.
• Listen to and support the person's feelings without judging.
• Let them know they are not alone. Domestic violence happens to many people.
• Reassure them that the abuse is not their fault.
• Give them three clear messages: they can't change their partner's behavior; apologies and promises will not end the violence; and violence is never justifiable.
• Physical safety is the first priority. Discuss options and help make safety plans.
• Give them the time they need to make their own decisions.
• If they are not ready to make major changes in their life, do not take away your support.

Victims of abuse need our support and encouragement, but some forms of advice can be harmful or dangerous.

Don't:

• Tell a victim what to do, when to leave, or not to leave.
• Tell them to go back and try a little harder.
• Rescue them by trying to make decisions for them.
• Offer to try to talk to their partner to straighten things out.
• Tell them they should stay because of the children.

Should you speak up?

Some tips adapted from the Family Refuge Center.