Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships

How do you know if you are in a healthy or unhealthy relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Sometimes it's hard to know, especially if this is your first relationship. The following list identifies some things that occur in a positive relationship.

Healthy relationships

• Not losing sight of who I am
• Ability to share my feelings and needs
• Both people are equally committed
• Acceptance of self and the other person
• Share basic value system
• Ability to share person with others without feeling jealous
• Having common goals and sense of direction
• Willing to compromise and keep own standards
• Equality
• Joyful, happy, fun

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner are unique and equal and have the same amount of power and control. In an unhealthy relationship, however, not everything is equal. In an unhealthy relationship, your partner tries to have control over you. He or she tries to make you feel less unique and not very important. The following is a list of signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Unhealthy relationships

• Threatening or violent behavior
• Isolated from friends, family, and activities
• Using guilt to manipulate
• One person makes all the decisions
• Using put-downs or dirty looks to intimidate
• Trying to humiliate, especially in front of others
• Playing mind games
• Using jealousy to justify actions
• Pressuring or forcing sexual activity
• Always wanting to be together

If you recognize any of these unhealthy behaviors in your relationships or friendships and would like further information or support, please contact the Violence Prevention Program at 612-825-3333 or teens@tubmanfamilyalliance.org.