Relationship violence FAQs

What is violence?
Violence is an attempt to intentionally harm another individual on a physical, emotional (mental), verbal, or sexual level. All forms of abuse are ultimately a form of emotional abuse.

What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is violence involving people in intimate relationships (friends, family, significant others, loved ones). Someone who loves you may want to hurt you to feel like he/she has power or to feel like he/she is in control of the situation.

What is the difference between power and control in relationships?
Power is the ability to influence others. Control is the ability to shape, limit, or block the influence of others. Some individuals use violence to establish and maintain power and/or control over their partners.

An example of power: Vanessa asks her boyfriend Rob why he doesn't spend as much time in the weight room as the other guys she's dated. She tells him she is losing her physical attraction to him and pressures him to change his appearance if he wants to be with her. She is exerting her power by communicating to him that he's not good enough and trying to force him to change.

An example of control: Michael ignores his partner's attempts to break up with him. He still calls Tony every night, shows up at his door and insists on walking with him to each class. Tony tries to communicate his wishes to leave the relationship, but Michael continues to find ways to block his influence.

Power and control dynamics are present in every relationship and are normal. For example, a young woman uses her power by telling her partner she wants to go to a movie with her. Her partner uses her control by deciding what type of movie they see. Or, a father uses his power by telling his son to be home at a certain time. The son uses his control by coming home an hour late. Power and control can also be used in positive ways, like being a role model for siblings or friends and standing up for what you believe in.