The different kinds of abuse

It's not just physical

Many families are kind, loving, and supportive of all members. That does not mean that they will never argue or disagree. All families have disagreements and conflicts sometimes. The kind of violent and abusive behavior happening in some families is much more than this.

Each of us is just as valuable, worthwhile, acceptable, and lovable as any other human being. In our lives, we develop mistaken beliefs, ideas, or interpretations that diminish, invalidate, or contradict the truth of our innate worth. When we get upset (angry, anxious, sad, hurt), something has triggered our mistaken beliefs (lies about ourselves). Instead of relating to our family members in the best possible way (with mutuality, integrity, caring, trust, support, honesty, and accountability), we relate to them from our mistaken beliefs.

Family violence, or domestic violence, is a pattern of abusive or violent behavior in a dating or domestic relationship. It includes both words and actions that hurt family members or intimate partners. The pattern of abuse can be physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or a combination of these. Some common characteristics of relationships with a pattern of abusive behaviors are:

Intimidation
Using threatening gestures, actions, or looks to control or exert power over your partner

Emotional
Withdrawing
Shutting down
Insulting
Humiliating in front of others
Shaming and blaming
Using silence as a weapon
Enjoyment of your partner's mistakes
Indifference to or pleasure from your partner's pain

Isolation
Limiting your partner's involvement with others
Not giving your partner telephone messages from friends you don't like
Making your partner feel guilty about time spent with others in place of time spent with you

Coercion
Ultimatums that are given in order to get your partner to comply
Threatening with emotional or sexual withdrawal
Threatening to reveal intimate aspects of your partner's life

Physical battering
Attempts to exert power on your partner, without having self-control
Hitting, kicking, throwing, or restricting your partner's movement
Hurtful or forced sex


If you recognize one or more of these behaviors, learn more about how to get the right kind of help.